Colby’s Corner: Fanny-Pack anxiety

We all have something that gives us anxiety — it can be anything, really.

Some of us have social anxieties, and for others, it’s wearing fanny packs out of the house.

No, absolutely no way that is specific to only me. Okay look, I love myself a good fanny pack. Those things are fantastic. They hold just the right amount of equipment, and fit so conveniently on the body — they just make sense. And while the packs have been out of style for a good decade or two, they’ve slowly been experiencing a resurgence, and that’s just great. That means I can wear one now, right?

Well, there’s a catch.

Sure, you’ll see people like Kendall Jenner rocking them on the daily, but I’m not Kendall Jenner, I’m just some 6’3″ maniac. You see someone like me wearing a fanny pack and you cross to the other side of the street. I love the convenience of a fanny pack, but I’m not gonna look like an idiot just for some convenience. Also, let’s be real here: her fanny packs are probably around $5,000. My top two in rotation currently are a $10 Disney-branded one and a free one I got from ASU. I am the absolute definition of class.

Kendall and I are just not in the same position as one another. So, when someone like the aforementioned Jenner wears a fanny pack, she’s making a bold fashion statement. On the other hand, I just look like someone’s dad that didn’t get the memo that these were done in the year 2000. I still have a reputation to uphold here people.

While I love what fanny packs stand for, I need to maintain appearances too. While some places, such as Disneyland, have a force field around them that prevents any and all fanny pack judging, you just don’t get that sort of privilege everywhere else.

The few times I have worn a fanny pack out and about, I certainly got looks. Did I feel powerful? Yes. However, we all know that my self-esteem is based solely on what other people think of me. Is the convenience of a fanny pack worth the looks? Every day I wonder if today is going to be the day I finally stand up for myself and wear my fanny pack out loud and proud. Of the two years that I’ve had my cute little maroon ASU one, I’ve worn it twice. Disappointing, I know. The Disney one has gotten far more use at all Disney-affiliated parks.

So where do I go from here? Is this just some sort of a waiting game? Do I just wait for fanny packs to be more accepted in the mainstream? The Jenners only have so much power. Or do I start to turn the tide, and be a vocal proponent of the fanny pack myself? In reality, I’ll probably do the former. I don’t have the strength or the clout to carry something of this level on my own. For the purposes of a more powerful ending to this article, though, let’s end it off on a nice, powerful sounding lie.

I think I’m going to stick to the latter. I’ll start to wear my fanny pack more, who cares who looks?

If you’re going to carry a trend of this size on your back, you need to be ready to face any and all repercussions you might face. If that manifests in shocked looks from both moms and teenage girls alike, so be it.

I am a proud fanny pack wearer, and nothing is going to take that away from me.