Sneedivism
By Meg Sneed
Walking Toward Equality
Love. Marriage. Happily Ever After.
After 193 miles, 120 degree heat, six sunburns, 14 blisters, hundreds of conversations and 13 cities, I’m still no expert on marriage. But that’s the toll after Equality Walks the last two summers.
I am an activist because I believe in civil rights. I believe that the LGBT community is being treated as second-class citizens. And I believe it is up to us to take a stand.
Marriage — what does it all boil down to? LOVE.
Love is plastered on Hallmark cards. It is sung about in pop songs. It's on TV. It's at the movies. We even have a holiday dedicated to it marked by tooth-rotting chocolate boxes, headache-inducing drug store perfumes and dozens of expensive roses that are doomed to decay. But what does it all really mean?
My sister recently gave me a book, Women Who Love Too Much. I am not sure what she was trying to tell me, maybe she was just trying to be supportive during a separation. But come on now, how does anyone love TOO MUCH?
It is the abuse of your love that hardens your heart and makes you feel it is all no good; it is not the act of loving too much, but more the act of loving the wrong people too much.
When we fall in love we know we are taking a risk. We might get hurt, but we do it anyway. We have all been burned. We know what it feels like to have our heart hurt so much that we think we will never be able to get out of bed.
But we bounce back. Then pain is only temporary. We're built that way. Life must go on. We have inborn patterns to follow, survival of the fittest. And the fittest doesn't stay locked up in her room listening to Sting's morose voice singing "The King Of Pain" over and over again until the neighbors douse her door with gasoline and set it on fire. Nope. It's only temporary.
I’ll admit, I haven't had a very good track record with relationships in my life. I've never been very good at them. I always had one foot out the door. I always had my butt covered. I always planned ahead for the worst. I always made sure that I would come out smelling like the proverbial "rose." I had to have the upper hand; I had to be the one in control. I was brought-up that way ... to be cynical, to be doubtful and to always hold something back.
I've learned from my mistakes, from my screwed-up and failed relationships. I've learned that it was mostly me, my perceptions and my decisions and my choices. They've often been far from good. But I've been able to see myself in a different light, to stop blaming others for the things in me that were much less than satisfactory, much less than emotionally mature. Personal growth only comes when one is able to face those things about themselves that they deny the most, that which they refuse to see.
I learned most of my love lessons while on the road, with my feet to the pavement and my heart on my sleeve.
I learned that you have to be willing to put yourself out there, that you may be rejected but the experience is worth the rejection. And even if things don’t work out the way that you wanted, they will work out the way they are supposed to.
I learned that you have to be willing to talk things out, and to listen to where the other person is coming from.
I learned that you are going to need to have difficult conversations, it may be hard, but the payoff is amazing.
I learned that you must take care of yourself, your needs, wants and desires. I learned that your mind, body and spirit need to be tended to, or you will be out for the count and totally ineffective.
I learned the power of companionship begins with a friendship, being able to hold each other up during those hard moments and work them together.
I learned that you have to expect the unexpected, and know that at times you will need to go with the flow.
I learned that outsiders will have different opinions, but if you trust your heart and your gut, you are taking the path that is right.
The Right to Marry: Arizona campaign is in the planning stages for a trek of 98 miles in August. This year will be bolder and more challenging, and we ask ourselves: Is love and marriage worth it? Hell, yes.
Get involved today by visiting www.righttomarry.org.
Meg Sneed is a community activist and can be reached at meg.sneed@yahoo.com.
